Are Your Thoughts Telling the Truth? Rewriting the Narrative of “Not Enough”
Have you ever tried to describe how you’re doing and found that the first words that tumble out are all negative?
“I’m a mess.”
“I just can’t get it together.”
“I’m lazy, disorganised, behind.”
You’re not alone. I hear this from women all the time — women who are doing their best to hold it all together through the chaos of work, family life, relationships, and the mental load of everyday survival.
We often don’t even realise we’re doing it. These thoughts become automatic. And over time, they start to feel like facts.
Why Your Brain Does This
Here’s something helpful to know: your brain is always filtering information based on what it thinks is important. If you’ve been telling yourself (or have been told) you’re “not enough,” your brain will actually start to look for evidence to support that belief. It’s not because it wants to bring you down — it’s just trying to make sense of your world.
This is one of the ways our nervous system keeps us on autopilot. But autopilot doesn’t always serve us — especially when the messages running in the background are harsh, outdated, or untrue.
Are These Thoughts Really True?
In a recent session, a woman described herself as lazy and disorganised. But when we looked at the facts — her caregiving role, the emotional and physical labour she holds in her family, the constant juggling of tasks and needs — it was clear she was neither lazy nor disorganised.
She was simply exhausted.
She was under-supported.
She was doing everything for everyone — and blaming herself for not doing it all perfectly.
The thoughts she had about herself were not facts. They were stress responses — shaped by overwhelm, old patterns, and years of pushing through without enough space to reflect or be held.
What Negative Self-Talk Does to Your Body
When your inner dialogue is filled with criticism, your body treats it as a threat. Your brain’s stress circuits light up. Your heart rate increases. Cortisol rises. You might feel more anxious, reactive, or emotionally flooded. This is your survival system doing its job — but it’s responding to your thoughts, not reality.
On the flip side, when you bring in a little self-compassion or even just curiosity, your brain shifts. It activates what’s called the “care circuit” — a calming system that helps you feel safe, soothed, and grounded. You might breathe more deeply, feel more connected, and access more clarity.
This is the same shift we’re working with in somatic practices. It's not about toxic positivity. It's about safety, softness, and truth.
Try This Instead
The next time you catch yourself saying something unkind or untrue about yourself, try these three steps:
Pause and Notice
“Huh… that’s an interesting thought. Where did that come from?”Ask Gently
“Is that actually true? Or is it just how I’m feeling right now?”Reframe With Compassion
Instead of “I’m failing,” try “I’m stretched thin, and I need some care.”
Words like committed, emotionally full, doing my best, navigating a lot are often much more accurate than the default “lazy” or “not enough.”
These small shifts aren’t just mindset tricks — they literally begin to rewire your brain and your nervous system. With repetition and support, they can become your new baseline.
You are not lazy.
You are not a mess.
You are not failing.
You are tired.
You are carrying so much.
You are human.
And you are worthy of softness.