When You Outgrow Your Own Coping: Why “Fine” Isn’t the Full Story

Most women I work with reach a point where “I’m fine” doesn’t quite feel true anymore.

Nothing dramatic has happened. Life hasn’t fallen apart. You’re still doing everything you’re supposed to do. But something underneath starts to feel off. The strategies that once helped you cope begin to lose their impact.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve simply outgrown the way you’ve been managing life.

Your brain is built to help you function — not flourish

From a nervous-system perspective, your brain will always prioritise getting you through the day. It creates coping patterns to keep you steady during stress, pressure, or seasons where you’ve had to simply push on.

These patterns aren’t flaws. They’ve supported you through a lot.But they’re not meant to last forever.

When your needs, values, or energy change, your nervous system starts giving you subtle signals:

You’re more irritable.
You feel flat even when things look “fine”.
You avoid tasks you used to manage easily.
You’re tired but wired.
You feel disconnected from yourself.

These aren’t failures — they’re information.

Why so many women learn to mask exhaustion

We’re taught to carry an extraordinary amount: the emotional load, the mental planning, the unseen work. We become very good at functioning.

But functioning is not the same as feeling grounded and well.

You can manage work, family, relationships, decisions, and responsibilities… and still feel the quiet pull of something inside you asking for more support, more space, or more truth.

“I’m fine” becomes a shorthand — even when your body is saying otherwise.

Your nervous system recognises misalignment before you do

Research shows the body often signals depletion long before you’re consciously aware of it. You might notice:

• A sense of restlessness

• Feeling overstimulated and under-nourished at the same time

• A longing for quiet, clarity, or space

• A loss of motivation without understanding why

• A feeling that life has become heavier than it should be

These aren’t signs of weakness.
They’re signs of change.

Your system is shifting out of old patterns and trying to guide you towards something steadier.

You don’t need a grand plan — just honesty

This stage isn’t about reinventing your life. It’s about noticing what’s no longer working.

When you can say, “I don’t think I want to cope this way anymore,” something softens. Awareness helps regulate your nervous system, and the brain becomes more flexible. This is where meaningful change begins — gently and gradually.

You might start recognising patterns more clearly:

“I say yes too often.”
“I push through even when I’m exhausted.”
“I shut down when I’m overwhelmed.”
“I’ve been holding too much for too long.”

This is not about judging yourself. It’s about understanding yourself with compassion.

A gentle truth to hold onto

If you feel like your old coping strategies aren’t working anymore, nothing is wrong with you. You’ve reached the point where “fine” is no longer enough — and your body is asking for something more supportive, spacious, and honest. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing reflections and tools to help with exactly this: noticing your patterns, understanding your nervous system, and exploring what steadier, more sustainable support could look like.

For now, just notice what’s shifting. That’s the first step.

Have a beautiful day,
Kate 🪷