Making Big Decisions: Finding Courage When Change Feels Impossible
Making big decisions can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff—exciting, terrifying, and utterly paralysing all at once. We know, deep down, when something in our life isn’t serving us. Maybe we feel stuck in a job that drains us, a relationship that no longer nourishes us, or a routine that numbs us rather than energises us. And yet… we stay.
Why?
The truth is, staying often feels safer than stepping forward. Our nervous system is wired to protect us, to keep us alive, and to avoid threats—real or imagined. Change, even positive change, triggers that same system. Neuroscience shows that when we face uncertainty, the amygdala (our brain’s alarm bell) lights up. We feel fear, anxiety, and doubt, even when the change could improve our life in profound ways.
Our mind plays its part too. Cognitive biases like loss aversion make potential losses feel heavier than potential gains. We imagine everything that could go wrong and minimise what could go right. The inner critic starts listing all the reasons we can’t take the leap—“I’m not ready,” “I don’t have enough money,” “What if it fails?”—and suddenly, staying put feels like the most rational, responsible choice.
Then there’s the subtle pull of comfort and identity. Even if our current situation is frustrating or draining, it’s familiar. We know how it feels, how to navigate it, and—most importantly—how it shapes who we think we are. Making a change isn’t just about leaving a job or ending a relationship; it’s about stepping into a new version of ourselves. And that can feel destabilising, even terrifying.
I know this personally. I’ve faced big decisions myself—careers I’ve left and new paths I’ve taken. Each time, the temptation to turn back was strong. I could have gone back to teaching full time, a role I knew intimately, where my skills are recognised, and my steps were predictable. It would have been easier in the moment. But each time I chose the unknown, I discovered a version of myself that I couldn’t have met otherwise—a version with more clarity, energy, and alignment for where I was and what I wanted for my life.
So how do we move past the inertia when fear, doubt, and comfort hold us back?
1. Recognise the fear as a signal, not a stop sign.
Fear isn’t your enemy. It’s your nervous system’s way of saying, “Pay attention, this matters.” It doesn’t have to mean “Don’t move.” Feeling the fear and moving anyway is often the first courageous step.
2. Break the change into small, tangible steps.
Big decisions can feel overwhelming. Instead of overloading your brain with the enormity of it all, focus on one small action you can take today. Even tiny steps—researching your options, journaling your feelings, having a conversation—create momentum.
3. Visualise the new life, not just the leap.
Neuroscience shows that imagining yourself living the change activates the same reward circuits in your brain as actually experiencing it. Let yourself dream vividly. Feel it in your body. Let that vision become a source of courage that balances the fear. Give your mind and body time to get used to the idea.
4. Check in with your values.
Ask yourself: Does staying here align with who I truly want to be? Am I choosing safety over authenticity? Often, clarity comes when we focus not on what’s easy, but on what feels true to our heart.
5. Seek support.
You don’t have to do this alone. A trusted friend, coach, or mentor can help you navigate doubts, celebrate small wins, and hold you accountable. Sharing your journey can make the unknown feel less intimidating.
Remember: staying put may feel safer in the short term, but growth, fulfillment, and true alignment come when we step toward the life that resonates with our mind, body, and spirit. Big decisions are never easy—but they are worth it.
Your nervous system doesn’t need perfection; it needs steady, compassionate steps forward. You’ve got this. Even one small step today can begin to shift the path beneath your feet—and guide you toward a future that feels alive, aligned, and deeply yours.
Have a beautiful day, Kate 🪷