Voices from the Inside: The Soft Warrior

* This is the second in a series of letters written from the inside — each one reflecting a familiar way women move through life, especially in moments of change.

If you’ve explored the archetypes, you may recognise this state straight away. If not, simply read it as a note you might have written to yourself.

Dear me,

I can see how I step into this role without even thinking about it.

With my partner, I’m the one who keeps track of things. I think ahead. I notice what’s coming. I make sure it’s handled.
With my parents, I’m the capable one — the one who doesn’t need much, the one who’s “got it sorted.”
With my siblings, I often end up organising, smoothing, taking responsibility when things feel messy.
At work, I’m reliable. I follow through. People trust me to carry things properly.
Even with friends, I’m often the steady one — the one who listens, reassures, keeps things moving so nothing feels too uncomfortable.

I don’t really choose it.
I just do it…

And this has worked.

It earned me trust.
It made me feel useful.
It helped things run smoothly.

But somewhere along the way, it stopped being a choice and started being the only way I know how to be.

I don’t just carry responsibility — I brace for it.
Even when things are calm, part of me is already preparing for what might need managing next.

And the truth is, I don’t really know how to soften anymore.

Not properly.

Letting go feels risky.
Stepping back feels irresponsible.
Trusting someone else to handle it feels like an experiment I can’t afford to run.

Because what if they don’t notice what I notice?
What if things fall apart?
What if I end up picking up the pieces anyway — but now with more mess?

So I keep holding.
Even when I’m tired.
Even when my body is tight and my patience is thinner than I’d like.

I tell myself I’m fine — because I’ve always been fine.
But there’s a part of me that’s quietly exhausted from being the one who makes everything work.

I don’t actually want to do it like this anymore.
I just don’t know how to stop without everything going to shit.

So maybe this isn’t about dropping everything or suddenly trusting everyone.

Maybe it starts smaller.

Maybe it’s noticing where I tighten before I step in.
Maybe it’s letting one thing wobble instead of catching it immediately.
Maybe it’s admitting — even just to myself — that I don’t want to carry all of this alone.

I don’t need to stop being capable.
I just want to feel less… braced all the time.

That feels like something worth paying attention to.

Hmmm…..

—

If this voice felt familiar, you may recognise the Soft Warrior — the part of you that’s learned to be strong, dependable, and in control because it once felt like the safest option.

If you’re ready to look gently at where that responsibility comes from — and what it’s costing you now — the Life Audit is a simple place to start. Not to let everything go, but to understand what you’re holding, and why.

Go gently,
Kate 🪷