Choosing Curiosity Over Fear
Have you ever noticed how fear seems to have the loudest voice in the room?
For many women, fear shows up daily - the fear of disappointing others, of being judged, of stepping outside the role you’ve always played.
It’s exhausting, and yet so common we hardly question it.
I’ve been reading “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert. Some of you may know her as the author of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ fame? She’s reminded me that fear will always be part of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be the one in charge. While it’s part of being human, the question isn’t how to get rid of fear, but how to stop letting it run our lives. This struck me deeply, because for so many women, fear isn’t just an occasional visitor - it’s constant background noise.
Fear of letting someone down.
Fear of being “too much” or not enough.
Fear of failing, or worse — of actually succeeding and having to hold it all.
And when fear is in the driver’s seat,we pay the price: exhaustion, tension, and a quiet sense of living smaller than we’re meant to.
The Science
So, let’s be realistic. From a biological perspective, fear is efficient. When the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, senses threat, it activates the stress response. Cortisol rises, the heart races, muscles tighten, and blood flow shifts away from the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps us see clearly, make decisions, and imagine possibilities.
This is why fear feels so limiting: our body literally prepares for survival, not expansion.
But here’s where Gilbert’s wisdom lines up beautifully with neuroscience. She reminds us that while fear will always come along for the ride, it doesn’t need to drive. And when we shift our focus toward curiosity, even in the smallest ways, we activate a very different set of neural pathways.
Curiosity sparks dopamine, the brain’s natural “motivator,” and re-engages the prefrontal cortex. Studies show that curiosity makes us more resilient, open, and even more capable of handling stress (Gruber et al., 2014). In other words, when we choose curiosity instead of fear, we’re not just making a mindset shift, we’re rewiring our nervous system.
What Big Magic Looks Like for Women
Living with big magic isn’t about eliminating fear. It’s about giving it less authority in your life. For women who carry heavy loads of responsibility, emotional labour, and the endless “shoulds” of modern life, big magic can look beautifully ordinary:
Signing up for a pottery class even though you’ve convinced yourself you’re “not creative.”
Wearing the dress you love even if you think others might notice (Those who know me in my everyday life, know that I love a crazy colour/ pattern because they make me feel happy).
Saying no to one more obligation and yes to rest.
Letting yourself dream about what else life might hold for you, without needing to figure it all out right now.
Each act of curiosity is a quiet rebellion. A way of telling your nervous system: It’s safe to soften. It’s safe to try. It’s safe to live beyond survival.
Two Practices to Soften Fear’s Grip
1. The Curiosity Minute
When fear starts whispering, “Don’t bother,” pause. Breathe. Then ask yourself:
👉 “What am I curious about right now?”
It doesn’t have to be profound. It could be as simple as wondering what music might shift your mood, what happens if you walk a different route, or what it feels like to finally start that journal. The act of following curiosity redirects your brain’s attention and helps build neural pathways for openness instead of contraction.
2. The Somatic Permission Slip
Fear often lodges in the body as tight shoulders, clenched jaws, or shallow breathing. Before you can think your way into courage, your body often needs to feel safety first.
Try this:
Stand with both feet on the ground.
Inhale slowly, then sigh the breath out through your mouth.
Gently shake your arms, shoulders, and hands - as though you’re shaking loose all the “shoulds” that weigh you down.
Place a hand on your heart and whisper: “I give myself permission to follow what lights me up.”
This simple act communicates to your nervous system that expansion is possible, even if fear is still present.
The Invitation
Big Magic reminds us that fear doesn’t have to vanish for us to live fully. It will always be in the room - but it doesn’t get to write the script of our lives.
For women who feel worn down by responsibilities and expectations, this is a gentle but powerful invitation:
✨ Start with curiosity. Follow the small sparks. Allow yourself to imagine, to play, to rest.
Because when you choose curiosity over fear, you’re not just making a brave choice - you’re sending a message to your whole being that life is bigger than survival.
It can be creative.
It can be joyful.
It can be magic.
With courage and love, Kate 🪷