Why We Get Stuck and How We Move
Good morning!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why change so often feels like standing still. In my work with women, I see two distinct ways this "stuckness" begins - neither is particularly easy to navigate.
There is the Slow Dawn: that quiet, persistent realisation that the life you’ve built no longer fits the woman you’ve become. It’s the gradual awareness that your current role, pace, or lifestyle is no longer sustainable. You feel heavy, misaligned, and eventually, you stop moving altogether because you simply don't know which direction is "right" anymore.
Then there is the Jolt: the sudden redundancy, the unexpected health scare, or the relationship ending that turns your world upside down in an instant. This kind of change doesn't just disrupt your life; it shocks your system into a standstill. Sometimes it's a combination of the two...
Whether it’s a slow ache or a sudden shock, these moments can leave us feeling incredibly isolated and paralysed. They demand a lot from us - often when we feel we have the least to give. But that feeling of being "stuck" isn't a failure of will. It is a necessary, albeit uncomfortable, threshold: the moment where we must pause, take a breath, and look honestly at where we are versus where we truly need to be.
The Biological "Handbrake": Why You Feel Stuck
When we face a significant life transition, our brain’s primary objective isn't "growth" - it’s survival. Change is interpreted as a lack of data, and a lack of data is interpreted as a threat.
While most people know two survival states (Fight, Flight), two others are less identified: Fawn (over-explaining or people-pleasing to mitigate conflict) and Freeze (I cover these in more detail in my book, Rest & Rise, if you'd like to know more).
However, for women feeling "stuck," the dominant state is usually Freeze. Freezing is a physiological handbrake. It isn't a lack of willpower; it is an active state of "high arousal" where the nervous system is flooded but has no outlet. For example, you know you need to update your CV or have a difficult conversation, but you find yourself staring at a blank screen for two hours or cleaning the kitchen instead. That is the Freeze response - your body's way of keeping you "safe" by keeping you still.
Neuroplasticity: The Bridge Between "Stuck" and "Action"
The reason you can’t simply "think" your way out of a freeze state is biological. When the nervous system detects a threat, it pulls the "emergency brake." Your prefrontal cortex - the part of the brain responsible for planning, logic, and decision-making - shuts down to save energy for survival. This is why you feel "stuck": the "thinking" part of you wants to move, but the "surviving" part of you has locked the doors.
This is where Somatic Practices come in. Things like intentional breathwork, grounding, or gentle movement are not about "changing your mind"; they are physiological signals sent via the vagus nerve to the brain saying: "The threat has passed. It is safe to come back online."
Once the body feels safe, the "emergency brake" releases. This allows the prefrontal cortex to re-engage, and this is the precise moment neuroplasticity becomes possible.
How the connection works in practice:
The Somatic Shift: You use a grounding technique to lower your stress response. You move from Freeze (shutdown) back into a state of Safety.
The Window of Opportunity: Now that your logical brain is back online, you can think more clearly and choose a response - like sending one email instead of scrolling on your phone.
The Neuroplasticity Loop: By using somatics to get "unstuck" and then taking that one small action, you are physically re-wiring your brain. You are building a new neural pathway that says: "When I feel overwhelmed, I have the tools to move through it."
Over time, repeating this sequence - Somatic Regulation + Small Action - strengthens those connections. Eventually, "moving through" becomes your brain's new default setting.
The In-Between Space
If you are currently in an "in-between" space - knowing the old way is over but not yet seeing the new path - understand that this is a functional phase. You are declassifying old data and waiting for new pathways to form.It feels like nothing is happening, but neurologically, your brain is doing the heavy lifting of sorting through what to keep and what to discard. When you give your body and mind safety, they can then start to make a plan... but it is waiting for you to create the space.
Have a grounded week,
Kate 🪷