Voices from the Inside: The Forgotten Self

* This is part of a series of letters written from the inside — each one reflecting a familiar way women move through life, especially in moments of change.

If you’ve explored the archetypes, you may recognise this state straight away. If not, simply read it as a note you might have written to yourself.

Dear me,

I didn’t mean to disappear again.
It just happened the way it always does.

One minute there was space — slower mornings, eating when I was hungry, sitting down without feeling like I should be somewhere else. And then suddenly it’s back to lunches and emails and “I’ll deal with that later” and “it’s fine” and “just get through today”.

I’m still here, technically.
But it feels like I’m floating slightly above my own life. Doing it, managing it, moving through it — without really being in it.

I skip meals without deciding to.
Or I try to be “good” earlier in the day, then by mid-afternoon I’m just eating whatever’s closest because I’m exhausted and need something — anything — to get me through.

I don’t feel awful.
I just feel a bit numb.
A bit distant from myself.

And at the end of the day, when I finally fall into bed, I catch myself thinking — who am I?
Not in a hopeless way. More in a tired way. A wondering way.

I know this version of me.
She’s capable. She’s reliable. She doesn’t make a fuss.
She keeps things running.

But she also doesn’t check in.
She doesn’t ask for much.
She pretends she’s fine because it feels easier than admitting she’s a bit lost inside her own days.

So this is me reminding myself of something simple.

I don’t have to pretend.
I don’t have to be endlessly accommodating.
I don’t have to wait until things “settle” to notice myself again.

I can pause — even briefly — and tell the truth to myself.
Not out loud. Not to anyone else. Just here.

Maybe it’s noticing when I’ve gone hours without eating properly.
Maybe it’s realising I haven’t felt anything all day.
Maybe it’s admitting I’m tired in a deeper way than sleep fixes.

So maybe the only thing I need to do right now is ask myself one honest question.

What do I actually need?

Do I need rest — the kind that lets my body catch up?
Do I need support, instead of quietly holding this on my own?
Do I need to finally look at something I’ve been avoiding?

I guess I don’t have to know yet.
I just want to be honest enough to notice when I feel something… anything.

And maybe that’s where I start — right here, paying attention to myself again.

Yay! Go me xx