The most exhausting word in your vocabulary (and how to fix it)
Good morning!
So, I've got a little exercise for you... I invite you to listen closely to your internal monologue over the next couple of hours. I can almost guarantee you’ll catch yourself saying—or thinking—a specific word dozens of times.
“I should really get up and go to the gym.” “I should finish that project before dinner.” “I should want to go to that party tonight.”
On the surface, "should" looks like a tool for motivation. We use it to push ourselves forward, to stay productive, and to keep ourselves in line. But underneath the surface, "should" is a subtle form of self-sabotage.
Because here is the truth about "should": It is a confession of resistance.
Whenever you tell yourself you should do something, you are actually saying, "I don’t want to do this, but I feel an invisible pressure, shame, or expectation forcing me to." No wonder we feel so mentally fatigued by 3:00 PM. We are dragging ourselves through our days under a mountain of lukewarm obligations.
Why Your Brain Rebels Against "Should"
When we live in a state of constant "shoulds," we inadvertently trigger our own rebellion. Your brain perceives "should" as an external command or a threat to your autonomy. It creates an instant micro-dose of resentment.
Think about it: how do you feel when someone else wags a finger at you and says, "You should do this"? Your natural instinct is to dig your heels in. Your inner rebel does the exact same thing to your own brain.
When you get caught in this cycle, you leak energy. You end up trapped in a frustrating limbo—sitting on the couch, staring at your phone, and feeling deeply guilty about all the things you "should" be doing but aren't.
The Shift: Reclaiming Your Agency
If you want to clear the mental fog and dissolve that constant background hum of guilt, you need to change the language of your inner dialogue. You need to trade "I should" for a phrase that puts you back in the driver's seat: "I choose to."
Look at how this instantly changes the power dynamics of your day:
Instead of: "I should eat something healthy."
Try: "I choose to eat something healthy because I want to feel good later."
Or conversely, look at the power of owning the alternative:
Instead of: "I should go to that networking event, but I'm too tired."
Try: "I am choosing to stay home tonight because I need rest, and I own that decision."
Do you feel the shift? "Should" strips away your power and makes you a victim of your own calendar. "Choose to" forces you to step into your own authority. It reminds you that you are an adult making deliberate, intentional decisions about how you spend your life's currency: your time and attention.
Freedom From the Grey Area
The most beautiful thing about switching to "I choose to" is that it eliminates the messy, exhausting gray area of self-judgment.
If you say, "I choose to answer these emails right now," you do it with focus. If you say, "I choose not to do it," you can actually enjoy your evening without a cloud of guilt following you around.
Try it today. Catch yourself in a "should," pause, and translate it into a conscious choice. Notice how much lighter your day feels when you realize you are the one running the show.
Have a beautiful day, Kate
P.S. Speaking of choosing what you need...
This is your very last chance to claim one of the final remaining places in this intimate, supportive container - Our next live group journey, The Elemental Circle, begins on Tuesday!
This space may be right for you:
If you are feeling deeply overwhelmed or stressed and need a soft landing place.
If you are moving through a significant life transition and want grounded guidance.
Or if you are simply curious and ready to look a little closer at your life to make some intentional changes.
There is no pressure to "show up perfectly" here. If you feel a calling for a supportive, shared space to exhale and recalibrate, join us. I would love to hold a place for you.