🌿 When You Just Can’t Switch Off: Understanding anxiety
How often have you found yourself lying awake at night, your heart racing even though nothing’s actually wrong?
You tell yourself to stop worrying, to relax — but your body won’t listen. Your chest feels tight, your thoughts keep circling, and you can’t seem to find the off switch.
You’re not alone.
Anxiety has become so common among women that it almost feels normal. We tell ourselves it’s just stress or that we’re “overthinking,” but what’s really happening is much deeper — and it’s not your fault.
The Anxious Body
Let’s start with what’s actually going on inside you.
When anxiety takes hold, your body isn’t being dramatic — it’s doing its job. Your nervous system is wired to protect you. The moment it senses potential danger (real or imagined), your amygdala, the brain’s internal alarm, flips the switch to “on.” Adrenaline and cortisol flood your bloodstream, your heart beats faster, your muscles tense, and your mind starts scanning for what might go wrong.
This “fight or flight” response is ancient and intelligent — it’s kept humans alive for thousands of years. But the problem is, our modern “threats” aren’t lions or fires; they’re unpaid bills, emotional labour, endless mental load, and a world that rarely lets women rest.
So your body stays on high alert — not for minutes, but for days, weeks, even years.
Neuroscience research shows that chronic stress reshapes your brain’s wiring. The amygdala grows more reactive, while the prefrontal cortex (the part that helps you think calmly and rationally) can go offline. This is why anxiety often feels like you know you’re safe but still can’t feel it.
Over time, this constant activation becomes exhausting. You may notice symptoms like:
Racing thoughts or over-planning
Restless sleep
Digestive issues or chest tightness
Feeling wired and tired at the same time
A deep sense of disconnection from your body
This isn’t weakness or “too much worry.” It’s a physiological loop between your mind and body that’s gotten stuck in overdrive.
Gentle Ways to Calm the System
The way out of anxiety isn’t to fight it — it’s to teach your body that it’s safe again.
Here are some small, research-backed practices that help regulate your nervous system and create space for peace.
1. Lengthen the Exhale
Your breath is the most direct line to your nervous system. Studies show that slow, exhale-weighted breathing can calm the vagus nerve and lower anxiety almost immediately.
Try this: Inhale gently for four, exhale for six or eight. Do it for two minutes — while waiting for your coffee, sitting in traffic, or before you open your emails.
This tells your body: We’re safe. You can soften.
2. Anchor in the Senses
When anxiety pulls you into the future, come back to what’s real, right now.
Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste.
It’s simple sensory grounding, and neuroscience backs it — engaging the senses helps deactivate the default mode network (the brain’s worry loop) and bring you into the present.
3. Progressive Release
Anxiety lives in the body as much as the mind. Gentle muscle tension-and-release techniques (called progressive muscle relaxation) have been shown to reduce both anxiety and insomnia.
Start with your toes, tense them for five seconds, then let go. Move slowly upward — legs, belly, shoulders, jaw.
You’re teaching your body what “relax” feels like again.
4. Soothing Self-Talk
The anxious brain loves to catastrophise. The next time it starts spinning, respond with calm truth:
“I can handle this.”
“I’m safe in this moment.”
“My body is learning how to relax again.”
This reframes your internal dialogue — and over time, creates new neural pathways for safety.
5. Micro-Moments of Stillness
You don’t need an hour of meditation. Just 60 seconds of stillness, repeated through the day, retrains your body to trust rest.
Sit, breathe, look out the window, feel your feet.
Peace doesn’t arrive all at once — it’s remembered, piece by piece.
A Body Remembering Safety
When you learn to listen rather than push, anxiety shifts. Your body begins to understand that it doesn’t need to stay on guard 24/7.
You might still have anxious thoughts — that’s okay. But they’ll no longer run the show.
Healing anxiety isn’t about eliminating fear; it’s about expanding your capacity for calm.
A Small Invitation
What if today, you simply noticed one moment when your body tensed — and softened it instead?
That’s where peace begins: one exhale, one unclenched jaw, one act of remembering that you’re safe.
If you’d like a deeper dive into how these rhythms work — and more tools to restore calm through breath, rest, and body awareness — you’ll find a full chapter dedicated to this in my book, Rest & Rise: The Feminine Nervous System and Restoring Balance Naturally, available through my website or on Amazon.
Kate 🪷